"My biggest piece of advice for anyone conflicted over friendships is to evaluate how you feel when you both leave and say goodbye. How do you feel when you resume your day after seeing them? Do you feel lighter, happier, warmer? Those are signs that they are mentally good for you."

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We all remember the good ol’ days in high school where just entering a Grade 11 classroom opened you to the vast opportunities of meeting new friends. Whether seated next to them in class or assigned to a group project together, there was always the possibility of meeting a new peer. Even after-school extracurriculars like dance or soccer allowed you to meet various individuals who enjoyed the same hobbies as you. Now, in our early and mid-twenties, we sometimes struggle forming those friendships with new people or finding that inner circle of like-minded individuals. To help you make the most of your twenties and expand your social circle, I have listed a variety of ways in which you can put yourself out there and meet potential new friends. 
 

 

1. Go to a cafe to study, work, or just to have a coffee. There are many people who go to the cafe to work or study, and maybe you can catch them on their way to refill their beverage and strike up a conversation with them. Of course you don’t want to interrupt their working hours but even a friendly “Hi. I saw you sitting over there working away. What are you working on?” can begin a friendly conversation and a possible connection. Maybe you can even plan to form a study group or work together in the near future.
    

2. Join extracurriculars with people your age. Who said you can’t join clubs in your 20’s? Pickleball, soccer, dance, reading or book clubs are just some examples of clubs you can join to meet new people. What’s more is you will find people in your age group who also share your same passions which will help you both bond in various ways. 
    

3. Don’t be afraid to reach out to older connections or acquaintances. What’s the worst that can happen? They say no and you move on. But do you really know unless you try? It might be a great opportunity to reach out and see if maybe you can meet up with an old acquaintance and catch up. Start with something you both can relate to like: “hey, how are you doing? High school was so far ago but I saw you pop up on my feed and wanted to see how you’ve been doing!” It might be nice to catch up and reflect on each other’s new achievements, jobs, or experiences.
    

4. Join Facebook groups! Many Facebook groups are dominating the social sphere at the moment. Theatre groups, book clubs, and groups organized specifically to meet new people and socialize. Whatever it is, there is a club for it! In these threads, you can start your own conversations and meet various like-minded people. You can also scroll through the other members in the group and see if any of them are your age or live nearby who you can meet up with. The great thing about these groups is that everyone in them wants to meet new people and potential new friends so reaching out to them is a less high-risk situation.
    

 

While meeting new friends is an important part of our lives, it is also important to watch out for red flags and set up boundaries wherever possible. Here are some things to look out for: 
 

 

1. If they put you down or insult you. When you share an exciting milestone or an exciting achievement, do they cheer you on or do the exact opposite: roll their eyes or make a passive aggressive comment? Whatever it is, if they are not your biggest cheerleader or supporter, it might be time to move on from the friendship. 
    

2. If they aren't there for you when you’re down. If you have a feeling or have noticed that they are not there to support you when you are feeling down, it might stem from other issues that don’t involve you. Nonetheless, you deserve a friend to always pick you up when you’re down and to hold your hand through the hardest of times. If you notice they are often absent or dismissive when you need them, it might be a sign they are not the friend for you.
    

3. If you don’t feel positive emotions or thoughts when you say goodbye. My biggest piece of advice for anyone conflicted over friendships is to evaluate how you feel when you both leave and say goodbye. How do you feel when you resume your day after seeing them? Do you feel lighter, happier, warmer? Those are signs that they are mentally good for you. They bring out the better parts of you because time with them relaxes and calms the mind. However, if you feel the opposite: anxious, stressed, confused, frustrated it might be because they have said or done things to inadvertently upset you and are therefore not bringing out your best self both mentally and physically.
    

4. If they don’t make an effort to include you in social outings or hangouts. A friend should want to have you there. If you notice that they often hangout without you or purposefully “forget” to invite you to a group outing with various other friends, it might be time to realize that they don’t have your best intentions at heart. You should never have to fight to be included or feel as though you are not enough. A good friend should always want to spend time with you and should reach out to see you without needing to be convinced or reminded.